this is how i feel.

I haven't written in a while. I've wanted to...and even started a few posts, but something is stopping me.

I feel broken. And I don't just mean defeated. I also mean defective, malfunctioned. Smashed to pieces?

I feel confused. So much has happened this summer, medically, for me. And to tell you the truth, now I dont know which way is up or down, left or right, right or wrong. And it's frightening.

I feel scared. What if I cant handle all of this? What if being on my own, living in a house is too much for me to handle? Or what if school is just too hard? What if I dont find a job, what will I do about money? My mom doesnt want me to even go to school this year. And she says that if this year doesnt go well, then I'm not returning next year. What will happen then? I.S.O.L.A.T.I.O.N.

I feel naked. I've shared some pretty personal things on this blog. But I wanted it that way, I said from the beginning that I wouldnt hold anything back. This was going to be my outlet.

So now, I dont know what to do. I just feel so...discouraged. And lost. And selfish. I am probably the most selfish person I know. So...I guess I'm just warning you, I might not be writing in the near future. I'm scared in what is to come.

I just dont know anything anymore.