@#%!

You know what really fucking pisses me off??  This whole depression bullshit.  I forgot to take my stupid meds today and the whole day just has a glowing afterthought of suckiness.  Why in the world do I have to take something to feel even remotely close to a normal human being?  It sucks!  And even when I do take my pills I still get depressed more than the average person.  The whole thing is complete and utter bullshit, and I am pissed off!  Some people may say, "well you control your emotions, if you dont want to be depressed you should just stop."  What the hell is that?  Why would anyone WANT to be depressed?  Or at least why would anyone WANT to FEEL depressed? (big difference there).  I just dont understand!  It's not fair that I need medication (Ive gone through 7 different antidepressants so far) AND therapy (I'm on my second therapist, and I've talked to other counselors too) to make me feel remotely normal.  And yet right now I still feel like shit.  It's definitely not the first time I've forgotten to take my meds.  Sometimes when I dont take them it feels like nothing has changed.  Other times, like now, I get really depressed.  And some times I act hella weird!  Example, I get really jittery, almost like I am jacked up on energy drinks I just cannot stay still.  I also say strange things, it's like the words fall out of my mouth with no sensor at all.  And I feel lightheaded, like my head is floating.  And I always want to twirl around.  Ummm yeah being off the meds sucks!  Its like you never know what you are going to get!  Haha I think it's almost funny.  While slightly hilarious, it also sucks balls!  I hate that one small little pill can change my entire day.  

but since when is life fair, right?

tomorrow is a new day.....