fear.

I’m scared of a lot of things. And I don’t know what my biggest fear is. There are much too many. But one thing that absolutely terrifies me is this. I’m scared that one day, I will have a family, kids. I will have these beautiful children, and I will pass this ugly disease to them. The thought makes me want to throw up, and makes me hate myself a little more. Eventually I want to have children. But I am scared to. What if they are as miserable as I am? It makes my mind hurt, what if I have them anyways?

How selfish would that be?