want to fly.

Last week a kid at my school spent a good part of his night hanging off of his 10th floor window. He was going to let go.

I got a text from a friend, telling me this. I was shocked. SHOCKED! This type of thing just doesnt happen in Eau Claire...you would think.

Anyways, I got the text right as I got in my car. I was driving to my night class. And on the short 2 minute drive I started crying. Just crying. And I said out loud,

"Wait, wait for me. Please just wait for me. We can do this together. I know we can. Let's jump and never look back. I want to fly."

I got to class and it's all I could really think about, and the gossip had already spread and people were already talking.

"How could life be so bad that you would want to jump from a 10 floor building?"

People just dont understand. It may not "get that bad" but we don't know that. To us, things are magnified and all rationales are pushed out. You simply cannot think straight. And sometimes, you feel crazy. You literally, feel crazy.

I remember one summer night, when I felt that feeling. Like I truly was insane. I was sobbing uncontrollably. My hair was a mess because I kept pulling it. And I was sitting in a corner of my room, behind the door, rocking back and forth. Back and forth, back and forth. Pulling my hair and sobbing.

That was the night when I almost drank bleach.

It's terrifying really. It makes my head hurt. And my heart drop. I look back now and know that whatever was the cause to make me get to that state was probably nothing. And I looked back the day after, knowing that it was probably nothing to have that reaction over. After it has passed, then I can think somewhat straight.

But in that moment. I become a completely different person. It's like I'm on drugs or something. A horrible trip. But I've never tried drugs in my life. And maybe that's why I wont. Things could go horribly wrong.

But now I'm just getting off topic.

So. In the end, they were able to talk the guy out of jumping. And I'm grateful that no one got hurt. But still. For myself.

I still want to fly.