what is wrong?

I should be really happy right now.

Really really happy.

But then why cant I stop crying?

I want to hurt myself.

But I wont.

I think the guy I like, likes me back.

He gives me crazy butterflies in my stomach.

And every time I talk to him my heart starts beating

really fast.

And the smile on my face just wont go away.

I should be really happy.

I have great friends.

And a wonderful family.

And a lot of people that care about me.

I dont understand.

I dont understand why I am still so...depressed.

I shouldnt be.

I dont want to be.

And I am really happy. But I'm also not.

It's so confusing.

I feel happy sometimes, but it's only a surface feeling.

And then when I'm all alone.

Or if I get a moment to think

Every thing floods my vision,

and I suppose I cant

think straight.

My head is pounding right now.

And if I take a moment

I'll start crying again.

And I soo so desperately

NEED

to cut.

But I cant.

What is wrong with me?