cut me off.

I just feel so defeated.

By everything.

I dont really belong to anyone.

And no one really belongs to me.

Unattached.

It's not a good feeling.

I have cut a lot this week.

I have been "good" for a long time.

But I caved. I caved in, when I said I wouldnt.

Earlier this week I cut myself 10 times.

Five lines on each legs.

I couldnt sleep without them rubbing on my pajamas.

It hurt to put on pants.

Then one day, it just stopped hurting as much.

So I did it again.

2 more on each leg.

It felt good. And it hurts a lot.

But it's still not enough.

I need this pain

and I need it to be constant.

I dont know why.

But it makes my head hurt.

I can feel the tension in my neck

and down into my shoulders.

I want so badly to cut my legs

and arms.

But I have too many scars.

And people will start asking questions.

Why.

why.

why.

why.

Why do I have the urge to kill myself?

It is so strong. SO STRONG.

It makes me want to cry.

And sometimes I do.

But I cant let it go.

I need this.

I really think I need this.