followers

hmm so it's 1:29 am and I leave for New York tomorrow. I am excited and worried all at the same time. But I dont want to talk about that.

Recently, I've noticed that I have more "followers" haha, that scares me and makes me smile all at once! It's cool that I have followers on this blog, because for so long I didnt, and just felt like I was writing in my journal. (which is kinda what I do anyways for these blog posts) But I kinda liked it, like people could come across it by chance if they wanted but I wasnt going to advertise my life to everyone. (Example. I am only currently following 2 people).

Anyways, now I feel naked. Because in this, I try to not hold anything back. I talk about my personal life, I swear, and I talk about my deepest darkest secrets. And now, all of a sudden there's people reading what I write. I'm not bothered by it, if I were I would just delete my blog. But it does make me feel all exposed and out there. I guess a part of me is glad, because this way it lets people know what I am really feeling. I try my best to explain my depression and how I feel in these posts. I know that for people who dont have depression or people who dont injure themselves have a hard time understanding WHY. And that's totally legit. Soo it kinda is good that all of a sudden people are reading this, because maybe it gives them a small glimpse into my life.

I guess I feel bad as well, however. It seems like all my friends write all philosophical like, or they give write poetically about their walk with God, and religion and what it proposes, all of these different incites on life and such. And then there's me, the sad little depressed girl whose complaining all the time about how bad her life sucks, when really she has it pretty damn good.

Whatever. I dont care. It sometimes helps me to relax.

I'm going to do it anyways.

:D (insert big dorky smile here!)

(ending time, 1:39)