ugly.

This weekend I got stood up. Or blown off. Or something along those lines. I was really looking forward to hanging out with this guy, nothing big just chillin. And it kinda surprised me how much it hurt after the fact. I was pissed. But I guess I wasn't...just sad. I feel so ugly. I mean only losers get stood up, right?! I think. I give myself away too easily. I'm not talking about a physical, giving my body away sort of thing. But I care too much. Too quickly. And it's like I set myself up for failure. For heartbreak. But I never learn. Once, not too long ago I wrote this down, "I'm a romantic, but I wish I wasn't. I'd rather end up a reformed cynic than a heartbroken romantic." I wish I found a different word for "romantic" since I used it twice. But I guess I didn't. Anyways I'm pretty sure I believe that. (I say pretty sure because as of late I am not really sure of anything. I rarely have an absolute answer).

Anyways, this guy. He's not the type of person who would do that...so I guess that leaves me. Obviously it's me. What else is new?

I just feel so stupid. ugly. fat.

okay, I know I'm not fat. But I've gained a lot of weight and I feel huge. just so ugly.

I guess people like me dont deserve to be happy.